Hi. My name is Jodie, and I am a love addict.
I love love. The first encounter with someone. That lustful, all encompassing feeling of completion. I’m finally with the right person. Everything will be better now.
But wait. It’s happening again. That amazing and surreal connection is now getting real, and we are settling into real life. Things are normal and routine. There’s love, but what happened to the intoxicating moments? Where time stood still and we looked at each other and said, “We are going to have an amazing life.” We said this while wrapped in each other’s arms, kissing away the hurts of our pasts, knowing that this is different and this new love will heal us. This new love will fix everything.
Well, for me this love is different. I’m going into it as I have before, but with knowledge of myself this time. I need things. Many things. I crave affection and kind words and validation from my partner. We all need this to some extent. But for me, it’s like oxygen. Tell me you love me, tell me you want me, over and over. In the beginning it’s easy. When real life sets in, not so much. I thrive on excitement. Real life doesn’t have much of that.
So, I ask for what I want and I push my partner away, who thinks he’s doing these things all along. And I’m left feeling abandoned and alone. It’s not a good way to feel, but instead, I can turn things around. I’m a Love Addict. That’s not my partner’s fault and it’s not mine either, but it’s my responsibility to fix.
I’m reminding myself of these simple things at all times:
– Just because there’s silence between us doesn’t mean there’s something wrong
– If I don’t hear “I love you” as much as I’d like, it doesn’t mean I’m not loved
– my presence in my partner’s life is significant. Just because I fear that he could leave me, doesn’t mean he will
– Most importantly, I’m responsible for my own self-esteem and well being. He can compliment this, but it must exist without him
That’s what I’m working on. Fulfilling myself, and having an amazing relationship along with that is the icing on the cake. And I must say that I am in an amazing relationship. I’d better work on this shit now while I’ve got him. He’s pretty damned amazing, but so am I. We work together. Maybe not in the exciting, intoxicating way anymore, but it’s still pretty damned good. I’m too old and exhausted to follow this cycle again. Besides, l want him. I’m done playing my old game.
So ladies, I know many of you personally that are going through this. Catch yourselves. If you’re with an asshole, he’s an asshole and that doesn’t have anything to do with you. But if you’re looking for your man to make you better, stop. He can’t. Step up and start taking care of yourselves.
I’m new at this too. We’ve got this