Confessions of a Love Addict

Hi. My name is Jodie, and I am a love addict.

I love love. The first encounter with someone. That lustful, all encompassing feeling of completion. I’m finally with the right person. Everything will be better now.

But wait. It’s happening again. That amazing and surreal connection is now getting real, and we are settling into real life. Things are normal and routine. There’s love, but what happened to the intoxicating moments? Where time stood still and we looked at each other and said, “We are going to have an amazing life.” We said this while wrapped in each other’s arms, kissing away the hurts of our pasts, knowing that this is different and this new love will heal us. This new love will fix everything.

Well, for me this love is different. I’m going into it as I have before, but with knowledge of myself this time. I need things. Many things. I crave affection and kind words and validation from my partner. We all need this to some extent. But for me, it’s like oxygen. Tell me you love me, tell me you want me, over and over. In the beginning it’s easy. When real life sets in, not so much. I thrive on excitement. Real life doesn’t have much of that.

So, I ask for what I want and I push my partner away, who thinks he’s doing these things all along. And I’m left feeling abandoned and alone. It’s not a good way to feel, but instead, I can turn things around. I’m a Love Addict. That’s not my partner’s fault and it’s not mine either, but it’s my responsibility to fix.

I’m reminding myself of these simple things at all times:
– Just because there’s silence between us doesn’t mean there’s something wrong
– If I don’t hear “I love you” as much as I’d like, it doesn’t mean I’m not loved
– my presence in my partner’s life is significant. Just because I fear that he could leave me, doesn’t mean he will
– Most importantly, I’m responsible for my own self-esteem and well being. He can compliment this, but it must exist without him

That’s what I’m working on. Fulfilling myself, and having an amazing relationship along with that is the icing on the cake. And I must say that I am in an amazing relationship. I’d better work on this shit now while I’ve got him. He’s pretty damned amazing, but so am I. We work together. Maybe not in the exciting, intoxicating way anymore, but it’s still pretty damned good. I’m too old and exhausted to follow this cycle again. Besides, l want him. I’m done playing my old game.

So ladies, I know many of you personally that are going through this. Catch yourselves. If you’re with an asshole, he’s an asshole and that doesn’t have anything to do with you. But if you’re looking for your man to make you better, stop. He can’t. Step up and start taking care of yourselves.

I’m new at this too. We’ve got this

You’re gonna have to face it you’re addicted to…..drama?

There comes a point in our lives when we realize things are working. Things are going smoothly. Daily stresses are there, but nothing really shakes you up. But wait. There it is. A possible problem. Drama.

Everyone says, “Oh I hate drama,” and “I have no time for such drama.” But do we?

I used to be addicted to drama. Things are going well, a little too well. Now that’s just wrong. Something’s going to go wrong, so I might as well start the process. Start worrying. Start asking ridiculous questions. Start a fight. Anything to get this going. I mean, it’s going to go wrong anyway, so I might as well get it started. Things aren’t supposed to go right. So, let’s start the going wrong process.

I try not to do this anymore, but I have to keep myself in check. Keeping others in check however, is another story. People that feed on drama don’t realize it. It’s become such a part of their lives that it has become a way of life. Nothing is black and white, but both are equally dramatic. It’s all ok until you finally step into real life with people who aren’t out to get you. Drama had its purpose before, but not now, yet it’s still there.

When someone says, “This is what I need. I can handle the rest,” would be a welcome statement to most people, but for drama addicts, it’s a lie. How could it be so easy? There has to be something hidden in there. For those of us that are recovering drama addicts, we know how tempting that can be. It’s like an invitation for ulterior motives. An invitation for a broken heart. Questioning such simplicity protects us. We are afraid of this, and drama is our shield.

It took me a while to realize I was addicted to drama. I think the sheer exhaustion of it all was enough to shake me up. I’m not cured. I’m in recovery. It’s so easy to jump to conclusions, make assumptions, and stress out over many situations. I fall off the wagon regularly. But if someone loves and respects me enough to tell me what’s up, I try my hardest to take their word. No “Yeah, but what if” or “Well, I’ve heard that before.” Not everything deserves the Drama label, even though a part of me would like to slap it on. Drama is something we create. It doesn’t exist without our energy, and I’m choosing not to give my energy to it anymore.

Can we have a conversation without it? I mean a deep conversation about real things that matter? And we know everything will be ok and we can work through these problems? It can be done. This is what I feel and this is how you feel.

Excuse me, drama? Not now please.