I’m on Facebook everyday. Many times a day, and I see so many people trying very hard to prove themselves. I’m one of them, but not so much recently.
Everyone has a cause. Everyone has insecurities that they try to cover. It’s natural to do that. I do. Yet it’s liberating to open up and talk about such things. I used to care a great deal about what people thought of me. The way I dress, the way I act, the way I live my life. Facebook was a great way of getting those feelings out there. Being so open caused many problems, but it helped me too. I’ve calmed down quite a bit, because I feel like I’ve made my point. My rants were about me and me alone. Issues that were going on in my life and my family. Feeling misunderstood and cast aside, just because I didn’t feel or act the way others expected me to. It had its purpose at the time, and even though everything I said offended someone close to me, I felt it needed to be said.
I’ve done my share of “black sheep” posts. I see myself that way, but so what? It is what it is and it’s not going to change. In the beginning, I posted these things because of my insecurity. Like maybe someone that was hurting me would see them, and suddenly get me. It didn’t happen. And I’m glad it didn’t. I’d get praise from people, but not the people that were hurting me.
The things I said didn’t change their feelings about me. But I eventually changed my feelings about myself. If you bang your head against a wall long enough, it hurts, eventually you’ll stop.
I see people posting things everyday about body issues, about not fitting in, about not giving a shit. I believe in not giving a shit. But if you post this everyday, it shows that you really do care what people think. I did. I desperately wanted my loved ones to see that I didn’t care. I did though. I wanted them to see my life through my eyes. I realized that people don’t want to see what they’re not ready for.
So I stopped. I no longer care if anyone gets me. Inside or outside. And I’m not posting my angst anymore. I’d love certain people to understand, but I can’t make it happen. When it comes to my life, I’m right. It doesn’t matter if someone thinks I should behave a certain way, or they feel I’m not being honest. I am. And I no longer have to say it.
Facebook is a wonderful tool for getting your feelings out there. But get them out there, and be done with it. The same thing over and over seems desperate. It shows insecurity instead of strength. If you feel comfortable with yourself, great! Don’t try to force people to be comfortable with you too. To me, it’s the same as PETA throwing blood on people with fur coats. Sure, the cause is good, but that kind of in-your-face action does the opposite of what you’re trying to achieve.
So, say your peace, live your life, love yourself, and keep going <3