I’m so sick of mean girls

It seems that no matter how many years I’ve lived on this earth, or how much I’ve learned, there will always be mean girls. You know the ones I’m talking about. The girls that are sweet to your face, but will break you down any chance they get. I thought I had grown past this, but I haven’t.

I deal with different age groups everyday. I’d like to think that we can all get along for the most part, but no. There’s always one that is ready to cut you down, just for the sake of it. The one that watches your every move for some ungodly reason. When they have a life to live and friends to see. You can’t imagine why they would focus their attention on you. Yet they are oh so sweet and look for your guidance. Yet they are manipulative and conniving. You know these girls. I sure do, but I don’t want to.

I’ve experienced this lately, and while I’m old enough now to not let it consume me, it still pisses me off. Especially when I’ve always been proud of my judge of character. This one person in particular almost fooled me. I started to care for her, almost like a little sister. She’s good. In a manipulative, horrible person kind of way. I’m more angry at myself than her. I let her in. It takes a lot for me to do that.

So, she hides behind this sweet and innocent exterior, yet I know what’s up. I can’t change who she is. When I’m no longer the target, someone else will be.

I’d love to escape the mean girls, but I can’t. Age and experience can’t help me there. All I know is, the mean girls I experienced as a teenager hurt me. The mean girls I experience now just piss me right off. They are looking for recognition from someone. Anyone. And they’ll do whatever to get it. I understand that now. However, I’m not one of those people. I’m not the teacher’s pet, I’m not a protege.

So, any mean girl that might be reading this (I know there’s one or two :)), get over yourselves. This isn’t high school anymore. Is it fun for you to mess with people’s lives? Do you think it will bring you respect? No, it won’t. It just makes you more transparent to those like me that can see through your crap.

Get on with your lives. And for god’s sake stop being so damned phony. If you’re going to be a mean girl, at least walk your talk. Just please walk away from me.

Move along. There’s nothing to see here

People are fascinated with the unconventional. I’ve always been pretty open when talking about my life. My issues, my living situation, you name it. But when my life starts becoming a novelty, that’s where I draw the line.

You wouldn’t believe the questions I get. “Why don’t you let your hair grow out?” “Do you have sex with two people?” “Why can’t I see your hair?”

It’s exhausting. I thought that being open about my life would calm the questions, but no, it doesn’t.

I have a medical condition where I choose to wear wigs. I’m fine with it. I’ve learned to love it, in fact. Yet the questions come.

I am married yet have a separate emotional life from my husband. I have a partner. My husband and I are friends and roommates. The questions come about that too.

I usually hear, “oh I could never do that.” And what does that mean? It wouldn’t work for your life? That’s too bad, because it works fine for mine. Who cares if you could never do that? Who’s asking you to?

Recently, I was made the center of attention because of my hair. Like it was some kind of joke. “I want you to grow your hair out” someone said. “Oh I could never shave my head and wear wigs” said another. These “conversations” have followed me throughout my life, and I can only wonder, why does anyone care so much?

Why is my living situation so intriguing? Why do you give a shit about my hair? Why? Is your own life so boring that you have to focus on me?

This has been happening more frequently in my life lately, and I’m not sure why. It’s irritating to say the least, and I want it to stop. I’m not a sideshow at the fair. I’m a real person living life the way it works for me. I’m in the process of trying to handle this gracefully. The trouble is, I hate confrontation so much, I’ll hold this all in and I’ll blow up someday at some poor soul who “innocently” asks me what my hair looks like.

My life is mine. I’m thankful that I’ve finally become comfortable with the parts I once hated so much. It’s taken work. Lots and lots of inner work. But just because I’m comfortable with it, doesn’t mean you can say whatever you want and ask stupid questions to satisfy your own curiosity.

The ones that have done this, I know are reading this too. Just think of your deepest insecurity. Would you like someone asking you stupid questions about it? I don’t think you would.

My life might not be like yours, but it works for me. I know it’s almost unheard of that ex-husbands and wives get along. And it’s unheard of that someone could finally be comfortable and find peace with issues that haunted them for a lifetime. That’s me.

So when someone is open and honest with you, please don’t exploit them. And if you’d never do what they do, good for you. But don’t take that away from them. It’s not your life.
<3

If you love me, prove it

When we first meet our beloved, things are surreal. Romance, passion, the “I can’t live without you” moments. It’s magical. It would be nice to live here. To feel these things forever. But life happens.

You and your beloved start a life together. And life gets in the way.
How do you both deal with life?
Do you let it consume you, or do you take it on together? It all depends on how important you are to each other, of course.

I believe in passion and deep love. And the instant flames don’t have to be extinguished. But if the connection is real, they should be nurtured and they can keep burning. Or at least smoldering 🙂

Even though passion is real and slow burning, you must make room for real life. Otherwise you wouldn’t get anything done! 🙂

When real life things happen, you must face them together. Whether one person is affected more than the other doesn’t matter. Partners take on the other’s pain. That’s how I feel it should be. At least, that’s what I know.

If you have a perfect and passionately blissful relationship with your beloved, they should be there in times of pain. It shouldn’t be questioned. When souls are joined, pain is shared. You should never have to ask for love. It should just be there.

When you are facing a difficult time, how your partner treats you is a clear sign of their love and commitment to you. Read these signs. Do they make you feel safe? Do they make you feel loved? If the answer is no, then maybe you need to talk to them. Or maybe they aren’t for you. Love during the good times is easy. Love during the hard times is conditional. This will tell you all you need to know about the one you love, and it will give plenty of insight to your future.

Be honest with yourself and your priorities. Is the passion worth letting go of things meaningful to you? Passion is hard to give up, regardless of what we believe.

It’s easy to fall into the fantasy of romantic perfection. I’ve done it. But when the chips are down and he shows you who he really is, good or bad….believe him. <3

Take responsibility, dammit

With Robin Williams suicide recently, there has been an outpouring of depression posts. “Depression is a real illness,” “What depressed people want you to know.” Etc…

Well, I’ve been there. And I’m still there. I have anxiety, depression, ADD, and bipolar to name a few. It’s hell. I know this. I can say with confidence that medication works wonders. If I were against meds, I might not be here at this moment. I believe that they can help.

Being able to function daily takes work. I live it. It frustrates me to no end when someone with crippling depression tells me they’re against medication. Really? Someone with high cholesterol takes meds to control it, and someone with diabetes does too.
If it was a “real” issue, it would kind of go like this, and it would make absolutely no sense to anyone:

“My blood sugar is so low. I feel weak and I might go into a coma”

“Do you take insulin?”

“No. I don’t believe in medication.”

What????

I know it doesn’t work that way. When someone has a life threatening illness, they do what they can do to take care of themselves. Mental illness is the same thing. For some reason, we’ve been taught that we can control our anxiety and depression. Like it’s all in our head. We can overcome it. Train ourselves. No. We can’t. And surrendering to this and getting help is what we need. Meds help. What’s happening in our brains is physical. It affects our entire being.

So, I take medication. I’m not ashamed of it. I don’t know how I functioned without it. However it takes someone with much self-awareness to realize that I needed a little help. If I’ve done anything right over the years, it’s that.

I have a very hard time with people dealing with the things that I do, and refuse help. Why? If you have a headache, you take ibuprofen or Tylenol or whatever. If you have a cold, you take NyQuil. How is this different? It’s not, really. We all just have to change how we think about mental illness. The words even sound horrible. Yet it’s like any other physical ailment we could acquire. Mental illness brings padded rooms and straight jackets to mind. Give me a break. It’s not black and white like that. Yet, that’s where our minds go. Even mine. I won’t lie.

Over the past couple of years, I’ve been very open about what I go through daily. I’m no longer ashamed of it. I’m doing what I can to make things as good as I can for myself. The fact that I take medication isn’t a weakness. It’s something everyone like me should consider. If you’re against it , yet look for support from others, you may just alienate yourself from everyone. The first step to helping yourself is to admit that you need help. As cliche as it is, it’s the truth. Step up and take control of your life. I realized that I’m worth it, and so are you
<3

Your opinion matters

I follow one of my favorite writers on Facebook. Her quotes have inspired me and have helped me through the hardest times of my life.

Recently, she decided to write about the topic of breast feeding on her page. She praised it, as many people do, and said that it’s the most womanly thing a mother can do. She can’t understand why a woman would choose not to breastfeed.

Now, I’m not a mother, so I cannot speak from experience here. I did, however, watch the comments she received on her post, and one in particular was very respectful yet questioning of her opinion. She responded, “I’m not going to change for you! Hahahaha!” And then proceeded to deliver anger and insults at this person. A person who is like me. A fan. Someone who has found her writings inspirational. I followed the back and fourth comments for a while, and it made me feel sick. And worse, it left me disheartened. So much so, it’s kept me up at night, wondering how someone so inspirational with words, can be so cruel with them too. “I’m responding to you because I have to. You’re opinion means nothing to me.” My god.

A writer should expect contradicting opinions from his or her readers at times. It’s a given. Writers stir feelings in people. What you have to expect is that not everyone will have the same opinion that you have, and the readers may voice this. So what? It’s a difference in opinion. Just because someone follows you, doesn’t mean they have to agree with everything you say. And if a fan, meaning someone that admires your work, questions you, that’s no cause for flinging insults and hatred their way. That openly shows your insecurities to the world and it makes you look stupid. A good writer provokes thought. Those thoughts are open for discussion. Not “it’s my way or the highway.”

I guess all I have to say is, just remember the “little people” that helped make you who you are, before “celebrities” started quoting you. And remember that you’re a human being like the rest of us. Get over yourself.