Women for women: the new feminism 

Someone just told me their colleague was fired, out of the blue. This insider knew that it was something of a “witch hunt.” This person was a woman. Why? Because she knew her stuff. She was capable. She had skills that her superiors didn’t, and her superiors were women.

 Well how about that.

This happens more often than not. We are all about feminism. Equality in the workplace. Being paid the same as men for the same work. Being treated with respect regardless of gender. But shouldn’t it be more than that? 

What about women working with women. The discrimination is the same. We work so hard to fight for equality with men, but do we realize what we do to each other? If you put a bunch of women together in the workplace, it’s likely there will be problems. The older employees are threatened by the younger ones and vice versa, and gossip starts, and before you know it, everyone is against each other. Nothing is equal. No one wants to help each other, no one wants anyone to grow. It’s all about keeping everyone down. Some have skills that others don’t, and instead of sharing knowledge, these skills are used as leverage to get ahead. This happens in the workplace daily, with no men involved. Women fighting women, with so much in common, but refusing to acknowledge it. We are competing everyday. 

Feminism has become a buzz word now, that people can twist into whatever they want the meaning to be. Showing your body, “freeing the nipple,” and such. That’s fine, but since the original meaning is “the advocacy of women’s rights on the grounds of political, social, and economical equality to men,” I think it should apply to women relating to women as well. We fight against men for equality, but what we don’t realize is, we fight against each other too. Women are threatened by other women. We all have different strengths, and that’s intimidating. More often than not, instead of lifting each other up, we will tear each other apart. This is often ignored and avoided, mostly because no one realizes it’s happening. It’s so ingrained in our culture, it’s “normal.”

Well, I think it sucks, and if it’s acceptable to change feminism, I’m changing it to women supporting other women. When we are all facing adversity, we should try to find comfort in each other. I’ll admit it’s quite a long shot, but what the hell. I’m putting it out there. 

When you’re always “the bad guy”

Throughout my life, I’ve always been “the bad guy.” People on the outside looking in have always seen my choices as wrong. Ok, maybe some of them were, but still. They were choices made in MY life. How do these affect them? They don’t. But still, I’m always the bad guy. 

I’ve heard it over and over. “You should do this” or “Poor so-and-so,” in regard to my personal relationships that are open and honest and consensual. I get dirty looks from people who have no place in my life, but of course, they feel the need to judge. 

All the time, we say Judegemental people are the worst. And when it comes to our own lives, yes they are. However, it’s human nature to judge. I do it, but I check myself quickly. I admit I judge the most when someone’s choices affect my life in some way. If they don’t, then I allow myself my opinion, but I’d never try to make someone feel like shit about their life. Basically, if you want my advice, I’ll give it. If not, keep doing what you’re doing. 

I went for a reading recently with my friend and spiritual mentor, Michele Nappi about this very subject. She said, “People judge you for your choices because they apply those choices to their own lives. They wouldn’t make them for themselves, so of course they’re wrong in their eyes.” I paraphrased a bit there, but her wise words made sense to me, and she’s right. I always think of this when I’m the bad guy. 

Of course there’s a big part of me that wants to call people out, or have someone that loves me come to my defense, however that never happens. I’m sure this must be happening to teach me something, but I haven’t figured that out yet. 

I’d like to be the good guy for once, but my life is so unconventional, I doubt that will happen. All I can do is repeat Michele’s words to myself over and over again. People will judge. People will treat me like I’m not worthy of compassion. For what? My life? Please. 

If you’re the bad guy, her words might help you too. She’s right. The hard part is, knowing it yourself and letting them be.