So, since I’ve been married three times, I’m not ashamed to say that I’m not so good at relationships. I’m always searching for something. Love, passion, understanding, you name it. Each relationship I’ve entered into, I was desperately and hopelessly looking for these things, and I never got them. Why? When someone loves you, they should just know what I need. Why do I have to ask? They should just know. Well, no. They don’t. And it wasn’t their fault. It was mine.
We all feel insecure at times and we need a little extra love. I know I do, but did I say this? No. I just expected my partner to know, and I got pissed off if he didn’t do what I needed him to do. What an ass. He’s supposed to be there for me! He loves me, so he should read my mind and do what I need him to do!
Well, after many years of playing it that way, I realized that it doesn’t work. No matter how much someone loves you, they will never know what you need unless you tell them. It sounds simple, but we’re not built like that.
Somehow I’ve finally realized this. I’m not sure how or why. Maybe because I realized doing the same thing over and over wasn’t working. I’m not sure. But in my current relationship, I’m honest. If I’m insecure, I say so. If I need a little validation, I say so. There’s no more game playing. No more hoping he’ll get me. It’s exhausting to play games, to hope he’ll get it.
I’ve learned that admitting vulnerability isn’t something to be ashamed of. It shows courage and strength. I mean, you can’t be “on” all the time. The image you’ve created for yourself. The “nothing can break me” image. That’s exhausting to even think about. Things break me all the time, and I can admit that. I’m human. And to have a thriving and healthy relationship, I need to be honest about it.
When problems arise with my partner, I look at myself first. If I need something, I’ll tell him. I’ll keep myself in check if I’m being irrational. Don’t get me wrong. If I’m honest, and express my needs and he doesn’t try to make things better, I’ll be pissed for sure. It doesn’t always work in my favor.
Games don’t work. If you’re having problems with your partner, tell them you love them. Tell them what hurts you. Tell them everything. Then it’s up to them. Don’t post passive aggressive things on Facebook hoping they’ll see. Don’t pretend you don’t care when you really do. Take responsibility for your own feelings and express them. Take the mask off and show your true self. You’re lovable without it. <3