The Elephant in the Room

I’ve been married to Steve for almost 8 years. I love this man deeply. We have an amazing friendship. But when is friendship not enough?

It’s not enough when you go from a married couple to just friends. We laugh together. A lot. We get along on every level. We quote The Golden Girls via text almost every day, and we laugh at the same things. We both love Dave Matthews, and he plays guitar and I sing his songs, not well, I’ll admit.
But we don’t challenge each other. We are so much alike, we cancel each other out. We are happy just being together. But are we growing? No. We are such good friends, that we enable each other to be complacent. It’s fun, but that’s not good for a marriage. I know a lot of people are in my situation. But most of them have no relationship with their partner whatsoever. I’m fortunate to have Steve as my friend. I love him and I always will. Just because you aren’t good as a married couple doesn’t mean you can’t be in each other’s lives.

I’m torn. I won’t lie. I’m diving into a world of responsibility. I’ve never had to worry about anyone but myself until now. And Steve, he’s taking his own path. He’s empowered on his own, and I’m proud of him. I’m ready for the new life I’m entering, and he’s happy for me. And I’m happy for his new life too. Unconventional, yes, but that’s how we are.

Steve will always be a part of my life, because he’s a part of me. I wouldn’t be who I am today without him. But we don’t work as husband and wife. I’m sad because of our memories. What could have been, and how we used to be. But that’s not our reality now.

Things change. We change. And we move on. I’m thankful that we are together for life. As friends, as we have been. I’m a better person for knowing him, and he has supported me during the hardest time of my life. He’s my best friend. People may not understand, but this is how it is.

We are moving forward to our separate lives. We share animals, that are like our children. We recently lost our beloved dog Molly, and it was heartbreaking to say the least. We always said she was the glue that kept us together.

We share a history of both turmoil and happiness. Our separation won’t erase those things, and they won’t make us dislike each other because we couldn’t make it work as a married couple.

I’m thankful that we will always have love and respect for each other. It’s more than most people have.

The end

5 thoughts on “The Elephant in the Room

  1. You are the most important person in my life. I think we know that focusing on what doesn’t work is not going to help us grow.

    As sad as it is, If our relationship isn’t going to be as a married couple then we will play that card and make it work. I would rather focus on making our friendship stronger because having you in my life no matter what shape or form it takes is so important to me.
    The fact that you challenged me to reach deep inside myself and try to express my feelings more is something I will always cherish. I will continue to work on that everyday. And when that breakthrough happens for me I will have you to thank for that.

    I will always love you 🙂

  2. Jodie, I’m speechless. In the best possible way. You are not only a natural writer, but way more together and balanced than I think you even realize. This is perhaps the most mature, most HONEST post I have ever read about marriage. And you are a precious and priceless human being.

  3. Jodie- your story was very touching. It especially hit home with me because of my current situation after 21 years. It actually helped me understand something I was having trouble understanding. So thanks for sharing!

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