Throughout my life, I’ve always been “the bad guy.” People on the outside looking in have always seen my choices as wrong. Ok, maybe some of them were, but still. They were choices made in MY life. How do these affect them? They don’t. But still, I’m always the bad guy.
I’ve heard it over and over. “You should do this” or “Poor so-and-so,” in regard to my personal relationships that are open and honest and consensual. I get dirty looks from people who have no place in my life, but of course, they feel the need to judge.
All the time, we say Judegemental people are the worst. And when it comes to our own lives, yes they are. However, it’s human nature to judge. I do it, but I check myself quickly. I admit I judge the most when someone’s choices affect my life in some way. If they don’t, then I allow myself my opinion, but I’d never try to make someone feel like shit about their life. Basically, if you want my advice, I’ll give it. If not, keep doing what you’re doing.
I went for a reading recently with my friend and spiritual mentor, Michele Nappi about this very subject. She said, “People judge you for your choices because they apply those choices to their own lives. They wouldn’t make them for themselves, so of course they’re wrong in their eyes.” I paraphrased a bit there, but her wise words made sense to me, and she’s right. I always think of this when I’m the bad guy.
Of course there’s a big part of me that wants to call people out, or have someone that loves me come to my defense, however that never happens. I’m sure this must be happening to teach me something, but I haven’t figured that out yet.
I’d like to be the good guy for once, but my life is so unconventional, I doubt that will happen. All I can do is repeat Michele’s words to myself over and over again. People will judge. People will treat me like I’m not worthy of compassion. For what? My life? Please.
If you’re the bad guy, her words might help you too. She’s right. The hard part is, knowing it yourself and letting them be.